Please Don't delete my blogs Google+ (2) THURSDAY NIGHT (2)

This is all I can hope for I don't know if these two things are connected but this is really all I have left of my artwork. I have some of my meds in me so the hands are a bit under control. I have this condition that Adderall helps with, where I feel other people's hands as cum and see them as sort of droopy and sometimes feel them as warm, and soupy like being 4 and having chicken-pocks. This symptom (2) just appeared one day. I can't spot exactly when but I think 2010/2011, before that I had HEADACHES like I've never felt before, that felt like my mind was being ATTACKED from the INSIDES rabid RAZORS ATTACKING ME, throbbing like something for the Maxx but realistic and modern and apart of modern psychiatry. The voices APPEARED one day in 2007, if you think Schizophrenia is something that you can't get like the Flu, you're wrong. It can be cured like the Flu but a doctor has to give you the right pill, and you have to tell a doctor, (I've done my Google research). I had this for 7 Years that I had symptoms similar to schizophrenia, or something added to me A.d.d.
I thought about 7 Years ago I was on T.v. which was a symptom when I started to come down with schizophrenia. There is nothing I consider WORSE or MORE EMBARRASSING, I have never mocked more of ONE group of people than the schizophrenic people. I used to have a friend as a child that got SENT to INSTITUTIONS and I would never pick up the phone for him when he called me from the institutions. THIS HIT ME my thesis year of the School of Visual Arts. MY INTELLECT JAMMED from writing screenplays, and I distracted from voices. I had a NARCOLEPTIC LIKE REAL dream that I was implanted with a chip.  These were things I thought were TRUE, for me THIS JUST SOUNDS like the kind of show Christopher Mastronardi would sign up for (a chip in my head reading my thoughts, soundwaves and voices in GRADUATING from the HELL'S KITCHEN thesis, on H.b.o. 24/7 LIVE from 725 9Th Avenue Apt 3D New York, NY 10019 (2) ) Hell I even PURCHASEd Little Nemo in 3d (2). I didn't know Schizophrenia would APPEAR, and that all I would have left to CREATE in my ARTWORK (7) Years later was a blog about Schizophrenia and how my A.d.H.d. (2) SYMPTOMS would expand to WHAT I call schizophrenia. There is nothing more SHAMEFUL than these symptoms.
For my Thesis year I had ATLEAsT (3) Features planned, one in addition to PROMOTE for my friend Sean Connell, and our first visit to Sundance. I DID NOT think (7) years after my Thesis Year I would STILL HAVE not TAKEN my FIRST AIRPLANE RIDE. That I'd be this OCCUPY WALL STREET thing or that ANYTHING let alone SHELTER PEOPLE COULD take my away from my medication. I didn't know a SHELTER could send you away for having a rash (or ask you go to THE HOSPITAL) and that in conferring with my real CURRENT Psych, might come an in-patient VISIT in the FUTURE despite having an OUT-PATIENT psych if my PSYCH violates our CONFIDENTIALITY and the local B.r.c. Nurse Practicer becomes CURIOUS. (Such a thing-as this women-is her GOAL-since I've arrived her is I don't upset people in the night at 1AM at the nigger shelter because when I got here after losing my Bron(x) (2) APARTMENT after an H.b.o. Girls Season (3) Photo Shoot for Facebook.com/chrismastronardi.5 I upset somebody at the Shelter, got Punched at 1A.m. bit my hand and the worker at the shelter SET ME UP when I told her to FUCK OFF' and called the ambulance SAYING I was 'being volatile' - like as in I was LIFTING CHAIRS AND PUNCHING PEOPLE - That is manic. Not being away. I Was also on my medication, so B.r.c. Nurse no, like, medication. But Ability that makes me feel (D)epressed is okay, and NO, I may not mention it TO THIS WOMAN. I may not be CURED for sleeping 20 HOURS a day and have led to no conclusion for her to DIAGNOSE me anything than what I've had for a DECADE A.d.H.d. I will not talk to this woman about my condition of seeing hands as juicy or feeling cum in hands. With these people anything could mean another journey to the fucking hospital and a wasted week. ('Which is -CUSTOMARY-THEY-TELL-ME-AT this place to see if I'm okay.) I have no interest in SPEAKING to this person who claimed when they found my Medication, (my Adderall, the ONLY THING that cures me for a DECADE of ANY SYMPTOMS include my self-diagnosed 'schizophrenia' symptoms; INCLUDING being on a T.v. show)-that I was seeing 3 DOCTORS and COUNTED HERSELF as a Psychiatrist, when this nurse YOU HAVE TO SEE to get Section (8). (2). So no, I don't think I will be sharing with this bitch nor apart of this shitty shelter in Manhattan n for much  longer (down the street from the Mason lodge no less). I can't imagine a worse place to live, I was better YEARS ago before Occupy Wall Street when I slept on a train (thinking I was doing 24/7 artwork off my meds-by hand on Newspapers-thinking I was hitting some sort of landmark-and that Michael Bloomberg had people from his office-in BLACK TURTLE NECKS-picking up the ARTWORK I left-in order for it to be SOLD to the Republican party. This is back when I thought I was being a GOOD REPUBLICAN and making ARTWORK off my ADDERALL for the REPUBLiCAN PARTY. But off my ADDERALL I cannot formulate thoughts on REALITY. And so therefore, this was a bad idea when Schizophrenia first hit. Had I stood on my pill, I would have realized at the end of what I call (1) or my School of Visual Arts Cocaine Year Thesis of 2008, that I was probably CRAZY and talking to NO ONE, and admitted it in some time and GOT BACK to my DOCTOR to get cured. Probably as soon as I was willing to FACE IT to my ex girlfriend Anna).

At times I think of just going back to the train, or WHATEVER. I can't stand looking at these people's faces who stole my medication and the nigger dead of the shelter. All of which have NO INTEREST in getting a job. I am MISSING TEETH from my CONDITION and CANNOT get a job like this. Let's be honest, I'm stuck at ugly limbo. But I'm rather pissed about it, because I thought the dentist was a one day trip. Not a journey to FIX EVERYTHING in root canals and RECONSTRUCTIVE crown work BUT THE TWO FRONT TEETH (I)(2) need to get a job.

This is sort of Era (2), the 2Nd Act of Little Nemo on H.b.o. Where I come to and face MY OPTIONS and what's left of BELIEVING I'm on T.v. and what's in THIS FILTERED in to my Universalism.

It's not that you would care, I label it Schizophrenia. But for a Second, on what I require, IR and XR with my two DOCTORS (I could read again, I could Twitter, I was fixing this PAUSED EYE condition by watching Sex and the City and well on my way back to work). These people at the B.r.c. have STALLED my entire life, my REAL and PERSONAL LIFE. And you know, what my doctor that is dealing with my CONDITIONS he cannot fix the problems right away and over night.
I worry that one day this woman, this Nurse Thatcher will try to pry my conditions out of my DOCTOR and try to in-patient me to see if I'm safe for HOUSING. It's not that I'm un-safe, I'm a New York Intellectual and know when I'm OUT-OF-MY-MEANS and need Psychiatric help. I'm 31 and look forward to a CURE better than Seriquil which I think will make my phone go away. I'm getting Provovigil soon to try and balance this. This fucking MEDICATION might make it so I have to go to sleep at 9:30, because where I live in nigger shelter that's when they give you NIGHTTIME medication. It violates nigger shelter to not give MEDICATION, it violates nigger shelter to not see their NURSE THATCHER (unless you have your own doctor- then we'll see if she tries to talk to this doctor and pry info), it VIOLATES nigger shelter to not sign in for your bed nightly, it violates nigger shelter to be gone for more than (3) days(2)-the result is they THROW OUT ALL OF YOUR POSSESSIONS. PEOPLE TALK TO THEMSELVES ALL DAY AND STAND NAKED in nigger shelter, but it violates nigger shelter to tell them to stop. It violates nigger shelter, to DEMAND people stop smoking their k2 in the bathroom (or whatever that plastic smell is, I SWEAR TO GOD ONE GUY JUST SMOKES PLASTIC), you cannot tell people in nigger shelter to stop mumbling. You cannot tell people in nigger shelter, to tell the woman or man who hasn't showered in months to shower (so much to the point that you can smell the piss, cigarettes and shit across the room, to the point that you wonder what kind of LIVING dead live here), the man who touches beads all day will be mad at you and NEVER SHOWER after meditating all day with his weird Vedic beads, but will always use a tissue in TOUCHING anything. In nigger shelter, you cannot organize your clothes and everything MUST be stuffed into your locker. In nigger shelter, it is odd and untimely to change your clothes and shower. In nigger shelter, you are NEVER allowed to have your own medication. THEY WILL LOCKER SEARCH for this. In nigger shelter, they want you to be safe. This is NIGGER SHELTER towards Section 8.

Save point.

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